Surrender is the
I am new to Nicotine Anonymous, a smoker for 48 years who had pro-gressed to at least 2 packs a day and had tried unsuccessfully many times to quit. I am now 10 days nicotine-free after about 2 weeks of lurking and lis-tening to others share online on the VONR site. Reading the literature helped me gain the belief I could quit with the support of this program. I am full of hope!
About this thing of letting go…I didn’t get it, but one our readings caused me to remember something that happened many years ago on a visit to Asia. As a Midwesterner, I hadn’t been around the ocean for long periods of time and didn’t really understand its power or its dan-gers. I was naïve and very excited to GET INTO THIS OCEAN! It was on a beach in Bali that had a very strong rip tide. Signs were up, but were not in English. I had zero understanding what a riptide was anyway. So I was out there, feeling the POWER of the vast ocean, and not afraid, but then became aware that I was WAY away from shore in the deepest of deep and largest of swells. I couldn’t fight the pull to take me even farther away from shore. I struggled and was getting exhausted. I remembered, and understood in my heart it seemed, that I can’t fight this - period! Instead of fear taking over, I know now that my HP was there telling me to just flip over, it’s the ocean… I floated so easy - no control, surren-dered.
I was not drowned. I was not lost at sea. I was not beaten. I was taken care of by letting go and relaxing, floating and surrendering to the Power I could not control.
After awhile, I found myself far down the beach, out with some surfers and a dolphin or two, which was interesting…That’s when it made sense to paddle on my back parallel with the beach. It kept me from going out any farther from shore. The surfers liked me doing that and kept pointing to come in front of them. Then I was finally brought into shore with those same surfer waves!
So now it’s what I try to remember daily when I feel I am fighting this quit, struggling and getting tired and afraid…Relax, roll over, float. Expect and ask HP to protect and guide me, and maybe, if I’m lucky, a “surfer” pointing the way could show up too!
I know that was a life and death deal that day. As I got back to shore, I began the long walk back to where I had first gone into the ocean. There were several locals who were rescuing another per-son, dragging him in unconscious. And there was another rescue going on in the water as well.
I am so THANKFUL and will use this strong memory to help me remember and understand letting go. Surrendering to my Higher Power is the solution.
Carlene H Voices of Nicotine Recovery (VONR)Tulsa, Oklahoma